Two major new chapters in our life began in the same two-week period. In April 2025, I accepted a new employment opportunity simultaneously as we bought our first home and moved. This happened shortly after my husband, psychiatrist, and I discussed the possibility of reducing my bipolar disorder maintenance medications slightly. My doctor and partner both supported my aspirations to minimize the treatments I was putting into my body as I sought the lowest possible doses that would protect my sanity and internal organs. I never intended to make myself worse.
I wondered how the stress that naturally comes with major life changes would impact on the bipolar disorder I had learned to live with for nearly twenty years. I considered restarting the morning dose of an antipsychotic we eliminated to insure the successful transition to my new life.
I didn’t resume the morning dose, and it almost cost me my marriage, dream job, and sanity. When my loving and supportive husband bravely pointed out that we should consider selling our new home because of the stressful changes triggering my bipolar anger and we were fighting like we did in 2006, I knew it was time to increase the dose.
It started slowly.
I began sleeping a little less. I developed a shorter temper and tendency to become angry over minor daily challenges that haven’t phased me in years, maybe decades. I felt frustrated because I couldn’t feel happy. I didn’t enjoy the life we had taken over two decades to build!
I had successfully worked and juggled completing my bachelor’s degree followed by a master’s while working full time. I couldn’t understand how we had sacrificed so much and worked incredibly hard to collaborate and use our combined efforts to get here – our dream life, yet I was unhappy, unwell, and fearful it was going to slip away.
After 22 years together, my husband and I rarely argue. Challenged by the medication reduction, physical move an hour from family, adjusting to a new environment, unpacking, and the start of a new role that introduced a three-hour commute two days a week, plus continued business travel supporting events that require waking up at 4 a.m.—we were fighting almost constantly.
When he told me the fights reminded him of the arguments we had in 2006-2008 at the onset of my bipolar disorder diagnosis, I heard him and recognized that something had to change. I am beyond grateful that I hadn’t lost my mind enough and could still recognize the signs that I needed support. My husband, Tony, is also grateful we were able to work through this episode together.
We agreed to give it two more weeks before I reached out to my psychiatrist to readjust the medication. One week later, too many exhausting fights and poor-quality sleep nights in a row accelerated that timeline and my psychiatrist agreed I could begin the morning dose of that antipsychotic medication again. It should be noted I always continued taking a mood stabilizer twice a day and was still taking an antipsychotic at night during this troublesome time.
When I wrote the first draft of this story, it had been less than a full week on the restarted medication and I felt like myself again. My husband and I spent a nice day together – an entire Saturday with no arguments and we laughed, shopped, ate, and enjoyed the afternoon listening to live music at a local winery (photo below).
We are lucky.
When I first became very ill in 2006 and spent six weeks in the hospital over two years struggling to find a medication regimen that would treat my illness and allow me to feel like myself, it felt like an experiment that would last forever!
This time, returning to the dose that had worked for 17 years was fast and easy! My husband and I are both grateful.
- What if I wouldn’t have been open to hearing the feedback from Tony and my sister, who I was also arguing with frequently?
- What if I didn’t have a close support network to share their concerns and notice my mood fluctuations?
- Could I have lost my new dream job?
- Would I have lost my happy marriage and home?
- Would I have been committed to a psychiatric institution for many years like I was threatened with in 2008 when I finally complied with the medication routine?
Bipolar remission is real. It’s when we’re able to operate at the same level we flourished at before our diagnosis without symptoms. The World Health Organization recommends bipolar patients in remission stay on their medication including antipsychotics.
Bipolar relapses are real too.
Mediation adjustments and life stressors intermingle and create a complex internal environment within our bodies and minds. As a woman in her mid-forties the complications of perimenopause are also at play. During our high stress situation, I was also spotting daily for about two weeks. I made it to my mid-forties with a very regular cycle and never spotted between periods. I wanted to understand if the natural aging process was impacting my hormones and contributing to the mood fluctuations and sleep challenges I faced. After my moods were restabilized, I met with a gynecologist who drew the lab tests and ordered an ultrasound to see what my organs and hormones were going through. Thankfully those tests were normal.
I asked her if she felt comfortable joining the team with my psychiatrist to navigate these mood fluctuations as my body changes. I consider my team of doctors carefully, hire them selectively, and communicate with them as partners to guide my health care decisions. I was grateful when my new gynecologist agreed she would coordinate care with my psychiatrist and direct me to appropriate professionals if I needed services she could not provide.
I may never know if this episode was instigated by underlying bipolar disorder, the reduction in an antipsychotic, menopausal changes, or the variety of situational stressors from moving and adjusting to my new life, position, commute and employer.
This isn’t a disease that plays fairly. When you feel better it can be a false green light to stop or reduce your medications. Based on my lived experience, I support patients living with chronic conditions who seek the lowest possible therapeutic dose to protect their bodies from harsh pharmaceutical treatments. Just like limiting how much alcohol we drink to protect our bodies, limits to our sugar and caffeine intake to help us be healthier, focus on restful sleep to feel and perform our best, and support a healthy lifestyle with daily exercise, we shouldn’t take prescriptions we don’t need.
It was hard for me to know how much of my medications I needed. Many living with and navigating a psychiatric disorder when there are no blood tests to regulate therapeutic doses feel this conflict, especially when our symptoms are well managed. I encourage you to proceed with caution.
Like a thermometer, trust your loved ones and listen to them when they say,
“you are not yourself right now.”
Bipolar disorder can be in remission for years, yet many factors influence our mood, sleep, and behavior. Understanding the root cause requires careful introspection and coordination of care from several medical professionals. Bipolar disorder is not a diagnosis for the do-it-yourself crowd or one that responds to natural remedies like nutrition, hydration, and exercise – those things help tremendously AND we need all of it to keep our human minds and bodies healthy and happy.
To your health, cheers!
Dayna J. and Tony May 2025, Photo taken one week after restarting the historically successful medication regimen.
P.S. Since this experience I began reading about perimenopause and what to expect with my brain through the next life change. I learned our ovaries are closely connected with our brains and 15% of women have zero symptoms when going through the stages of menopause. The book I am enjoying is The Menopause Brain by Lisa Mosconi, PhD. I highly recommend it if you want to know what the female body goes through and why.
About the Author
Dayna shares her story of illness and recovery in Shine Bright – Seeking Daylight in the Darkness. She was 27 years old when she first experienced a two-year spiral of mixed manic and depressive episodes including six inpatient hospitalizations, a suicide attempt, and the threat of a three year commitment if she did not become medically compliant.
Today, Dayna maintains a close relationship with her psychiatrist and is thriving in her career and family life with the help of prescribed medications. Dayna lives in the Washington, DC metro area with her partner of 22 years. Together they share their home with two cats, Latte and Donut, and Butters their corgi. They love to travel the world and have spent time exploring three continents and nearly thirty countries together. Her travels and international work make Dayna a passionate supporter of the 4 Day Week global movement because of the quality of life it can bring to human’s mental health while improving business productivity.
Danya has a master’s degree in management, leadership, marketing and brand management from George Washington University, a bachelor’s degree in business administration from Purdue University Global, and an associate’s degree in medical assisting management from Bradford School.
Connect with Dayna
Website: DaylightandDarkness.com
Facebook: facebook.com/DaylightandDarknessDayna
Instagram: instagram.com/Day.lightandDarkness
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/danamariejohnston
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